Growing up in a religious environment, and where parents stress right from wrong, stances on certain issues become very firm. When you have good support from both parents, straying doesn’t tend to go far from what they taught. But what happens when one of those parental support networks fail?

             My parents separated my freshman year in high school. They rarely asked how I was dealing with it, let alone had conversations about the important things like drugs or sex. I was always taught in church to wait until you get married to have sex, and that except over the counter or prescription drugs were wrong. Conversations never took place about all the pressures I’d face when I hit puberty. Pressures to have sex or try drugs are always a constant part of going through middle school and high school. I think my parents assumed that whatever education I’d been given from my Sunday school teachers and the really non-existent speeches you get in school were enough. So my parents, or at least my mom, never sat down to talk with me about sex or any other pressures that I’d face in middle school or high school.

            My dad, having moved out in between 9^th and 10^th grade, put me down non stop. Activities I had going on at school or church weren’t important to him. He was always putting them down, telling me that if I kept putting those in front of family, family wasn’t going to be there when I needed them. I’ve had to learn that he was putting me through guilt trips every time he told me that. I’d always believe him too, no matter what people were telling me. Instead of being there supporting me during that time, I felt like both parents were pushing me away. My dad especially was constantly yelling at me for no reason, and was always putting me in the middle of conversations. I felt really excluded for a while when I was at my dad’s house visiting.

            Having those important conversations is something I feel like I missed out on because my parent’s were so wrapped up in the divorce. My mom was there for me more after my dad had been gone for a while. Friends were there for me more than anything, including an old youth pastor that was a father for me more than anyone.

 

            It’s the easiest thing to break, but the hardest thing to earn back. The easiest way I think it gets broken is abuse. I think everyone at one point has broken the trust in a friendship or relationship. For me, it was my dad after my parents split up. I was blessed with a father-like figure in my life soon after. My dad wasn’t really there, and was always expecting me to drop activities I had going on, but hardly ever came to things like band concerts.

 

            My own dad had put me in the middle of conversations with my mom, and never considered things I had going on. I always felt like I had to drop everything to do something with him, but he was rarely there for me. I feel extremely blessed to have had Buck as a father figure in my life for as long as I have. The relationship I’ve had with my dad hasn’t been the same since. It’s been difficult, but I’ve had to learn to accept over the years that you can’t always trust the people you thought you could. I’ve had to learn that the only person you can constantly trust is God. It’s a lesson that’s been a very hard one for me to learn, but it’s one that I’ve had to learn none-the-less.

 

"Ask and you will receive whatever you need."

 

            Taken from Reuben Morgan’s 'You said' has been what this year for me has been all about. It’s been something I’ve struggled with over and over again for a long time. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t struggled with that at one point or another. I pray that God will show me the right way, what I should be doing with my life, and direction has been shown.  Even today, God is still amazing me to no end. After the divorce, and after living in “hell” for almost as long, I’ve finally been able to start some counseling.

 

            Being in Mankato has really helped me in a lot of ways. I’ve been able to have some counseling sessions with the campus priest, Father Tim, and I have to say, I have never felt better about the whole situation with my dad as I do now. The love God has shown me over the years has been more precious than anything my dad could ever do to me. That’s one of the things Father Tim has helped me learn over the past months.

 

“The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell.

Oh love of God, how rich and pure! How measureless and pure!

It shall forevermore endure the saints and angels song.”

 

            ‘The love of God,’ by Mercy Me so wonderfully describes how awesome and great God’s love is for us. It never ends, never fails. So often I know I forget about that, trying to take matters into my own hands. In the end, I am gently reminded that I can’t do anything without God by my side.

 

            Even trusting in my faith, I still fall, and still have my moments of disbelieving that He’s really there. It’s been ever so true lately when I got sexually assaulted. Not knowing the guy at all, he came to my dorm room on campus. We proceeded to watch a movie, and then he started kissing me. Before I knew it, we were both naked and he was trying to get inside of me. Being the scared person that I was, I didn’t go to security or the police for about a week after. I finally told my complex director, who called security. The Mankato police came along with a sexual violence advocate.

 

            To this day, almost a month later, I’m still scared to the point where I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. I’ve had to really learn that this wasn’t my fault. Believing that in your brain is one thing, but getting yourself to believe it with your heart is an entirely different matter. Until you can truly say that you believe in your heart, you don’t have anything. I’ve had to really rely on friends to help me get through this, and with a lot of things over the years. This and the divorce have only been a couple.

 

            In the last year, I’ve almost gotten raped, came close to attempting suicide, had my heart broken by a few friends, gotten proposed to, and have had my share of ups and downs. Through those, I’ve lost sight of who I am not only in my own eyes, but I’ve lost sight of who I am through Christ. I’ve been so focused on just getting through each trial that I think I’ve forgotten what’s the most important: my relationship with Christ and who I am in Him.

 

            With everything that I’ve been dealt in my life, looking back on how much Christ has been there for me, I can’t imagine my life without my faith. It’s the center of my being, something I won’t give up for anything. I know that no matter how much I get dealt in the future, Christ is going to be walking with me through it. He carries me through the rough days, rejoices with me when I’m happy, and dances with me during each accomplishment I come to. I so much want to believe with my whole heart that I have the perfect life in Christ, but I know I don’t. I’m always going to be faced with temptations, and people trying to pull me away from the faith I’ve found so precious. I can only hope and pray that I have the strength to make it through each new challenge with Christ walking with me and living in my heart. No amount of money or riches in this world will ever deter me from the faith I have in Christ. It will remain with me until the day that I die, helping me through each challenge I come to.

 

            I’m so very thankful that I can look back on experiences like these and learn from them. The things I’ve learned from them are priceless experiences and valuable lessons that I can never replace. Lessons like this are the most important lessons to learn in life. No one can teach you how to become a better you through tough times. Others can be there for you during them. No matter how much your friends are there for you, it can never replace how much Christ is there for you. Friends are going to come in and out of your life, but the love of God is consistent. It never fails. In 1^st Corinthians 13, it says,

 

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease;

where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is

knowledge, it will pass away.

 

            I believe that we’re all in charge of how we end up in life to some extent. We’re each in charge of how successful or unsuccessful we are. Life is what a person makes it, and how a person chooses to live their life will determine how successful they are. Whatever challenges we’re faced with makes us stronger, and helps us become more successful.  Valuable lessons can be learned from those that can change a life for better or worse. But whenever challenges arise, if you keep your mind on the prize in store, success will happen.

 

            Defining success will always differ from person to person, but one person puts it so clearly. According to Ralph Waldo Emerson, success is…

 

"To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To give of one's self;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;

To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived —

This is to have succeeded."

Can summer school be over yet?

I'm super excited at the moment. Richard and I drove back down to Mankato today, and we got into talking about some very fun stuff. He told me that he can see himself spending the rest of his life with me. It I think was a hard one for him to make, but it was one that he told me he realized to day in church. The funny thing is, I can see the same thing with him.

We also got into talking about rings. His dad lives down in Arkansas near a diamond mine. We're going to try to go down there this summer and pick out a stone. Nothing's been firmly decided yet, but we may end up getting engaged. But we've both agreed not to start planning anything yet, and not looking that far ahead. I guess we'll just have to see what happens, and just hope for the best.

It's official. I'm in a new relationship with a truly amazing guy. His name is Richard. We've known each other for about a year-and-a-half. Right now, we're just going to take it slow and see how things go. We were originally supposed to go out on Valentine's Day, but I had class, so we were going to go out the next day. Unfortunately, we were both sick that week, and couldn't go. So we went out Friday night just us, and then tonight with just some friends of his.

It's just been an amazing week to say the least. Richard is such a gentleman, kind, caring, and just an overall very nice guy. I've waited so long to start a relationship, so hopefully this will be good. The last relationship I was in was in 10th grade. I've prayed about this for so long, and all I've gotten as an answer was to either wait, or not now. God has a mysterious way of having AWESOME timing. I think the reason I've had to wait so long is so I'd appreciate the relationship more now than I would have last year. I'm so excited for us.

I am very excited at the moment. For probably the first time ever, I have a date for Valentine's Day. I am super excited. His name is Richard. I met him in fall of 2005 in class. The way my math class was set up that year was we were in a big lecture hall 2 days a week, and then split up into our sections for lab the other two. Richard was the GA that taught the lab part of the class. He is a very nice guy, and was in the navy. I'm nervous about it, but I'm excited at the same time. Hopefully it'll go good. It was really just out of the blue. He hadn't brought anything up about doing anything for a while, so it kinda caught me off guard.

Anyway, please keep the fingers crossed, and hopefully it'll go ok.

This is a song called "Mira Lo Que has hecho en mi" by Jaci Velasquez. The literal English translation of the title is "Look what you have made me." These words that follow are the English translation I found online.

The moon was sometime
A rock, nothing else
And the stars
Distant lights
Today the moon is
A celestial pearl
The stars are the windows
To a new awakening

Look what you have done in me
With your immense love
Your poetry and your feeling
Are within me

My heart dances happily
And my soul is free in You
Look what you have done in me

I know that once
I breathed in much solitude
I did not feel
The beating in my chest

Today life kisses me
When breathing
I finally feel a thousand butterflies
that are flying within me

Look what you have done in me
With your immense love
Your poetry and your feeling
Are within me

My heart dances happily
And my soul is free in You
Look what you have done in me

And I don't know
if it was only a violin
Or if You spoke to me
If only it was a ray of light
That I saw
Or if it was Your hand
Holding me

My fault for not updating this a lot more. So I was talking to a friend I met through my aunt Deb a couple weeks ago. My aunt does promoting for rodeos, and she and her business partner put one on in St Peter in July. The guy I'm talking about announced the rodeo. His name is Roger.

When I talked to him, he was asking me if I was married or dating anyone, and I said no. He then tells me that I'd probably be getting a boyfriend. I responded by saying probably. What surprised me was what he said next. He told me that it'd probably be him. I get to talk to him again tomorrow, and it's going to be interesting to see what he says. I'm hoping he does ask me out.

The only down side is that he lives in Georgia. One funny thing was that when I was talking to him he couldn't remember what I looked like, and that he'd have to buy me a plane ticket just to remember what I looked like. I'm totally excited at the moment, but that's OK. That fact, and that school's almost out have both got me totally excited about everything. It's definatly going to be interesting to see what happens with me and Roger. I'm kind of hoping something does work out just 'cuz I'm sick of being single. But that's seems to be the story of my life lately. Oh well.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and praying about it lately, and I get the feeling like it's something that I should pursue, and that it's something that I should do. I've also talked to a couple really good friends about it, which has helped. Both have pretty much said the same thing to me, so I guess I'm just going to have to be patient for now and see what happens. Hope everyone's having a good time tonight since it's New Year's Eve. Me, I got to work tonight. But anyway, Happy New Year everyone.

I just get so stressed sometimes because I just feel like so many people are pushing my goals further and further away from me. Some days it just feels like I have to prove not only to myself, but also to all my critics that I can do the things they tell me I can't. Most days it feels like I have to do everything myself. On those days when I've achieved something I've thought out of my reach and people put me down, it makes me feel like I didn't get anywhere.

It's hard for me some days to remember that I don't do those things alone, and that Jesus is walking right beside me. When I remember that, the chorus to a song comes to mind. The chorus to 'Jesus take the wheel' in my opinion is more of a prayer. I know that if I start going down the wrong path, Jesus gives me another chance to make things right, and ask for forgiveness. I just have to always remember that the wheel of my life is in His hands and not in mine.

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel. - Carrie Underwood's song 'Jesus take the Wheel'

Now this song I just heard for the first time today on KLOVE radio. It’s a really awesome song. Some days I feel like I’ll get grounded on a dream or goal I want to achieve, and get suddenly uprooted from it. It’s so easy for me to get discouraged and frustrated. When that happens, I lose most hope for attaining those dreams. It’s hard for me sometimes to remember that those roadblocks that suddenly appear are just Satan’s way of trying to stop me. Going along that train of thought, it’s hard for me to remember that my dreams and hopes are rooted in Jesus Christ, and if I want to give my best to achieve it, I can’t let anything stop me.

All I have to remind myself to do is remember that my roots are in Jesus, and that my faith gives me courage to try my best in every day things. I love my faith, and I wouldn’t trade anything for it.

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings. - Mark Harris' song 'Find your wings’

I don't know about anyone else, but these are mega sweet songs. Especially 'Holy is the Lord.' Because whenever I'm happy, I have Jesus to thank for all those good things. Everything I have I have to thank Jesus because he's given me my life, my freedom. Everything I'm about was given to me from Him. He's my whole reason for living. Who I am is totally based on what I stand for and what I live for. My life is based around Jesus Christ. That’s who I am. My life is in Jesus.

People may judge me for that, but my question to them is: What’s your problem? They may not agree with what I do, or how I live my life, but I can say the same thing about those people who question my actions. I may not agree with what they do all the time, but I won’t sit there and judge them. If they can live their life in peace, why can’t I? I didn’t choose this life to impress anyone. I chose this life because it’s given me more opportunities, more unexpected places to go and things to do.

I’ve seen more good things come out of bad situations. Valuable lessons have been learned in what should have been devastating situations. Awesome example being the mission trip I was on in 2005. After a horseback riding accident nearly cost me my life, I was able to witness to the high school students there, as well as the Navajo people we were serving. That accident should have killed me or left me paralyzed from the neck down at best.

But because of my faith, I was able to show the high school students as well as the Navajo people that God’s miracles still happen today 2,000 years after Christ walked this Earth. There had been times earlier where I had almost committed suicide I had been so depressed. But I didn’t. There was a lesson to be learned on that trip. That lesson was that Christ is always with me. Even when I don’t feel His presence, I have to believe that He’s still working in my life, preparing me for some lesson I need to learn or to help someone else learn.

God is awesome. His grace rises up all around me when I’m depressed and hurting. That’s a big part of why I’m still here today. Friends have been there when I’ve needed them most, reassuring me that it’s OK to be mad at God, but more importantly, that I always have a friend in Jesus. The joy I have is joy found in knowing Jesus personally. My life has changed dramatically over the years, and my faith continues to grow every single day.

I’m not going to lie about being tempted to just walk away from my faith because that’s happened many times. The road Satan tried to lead me down for about 8 months during the 2004-2005 school year was very scary, and one I NEVER want to see again. But I know that if that happens again, I have Jesus on my side, and I have to do my best not to forget that. I AM A CHILD OF CHRIST THE KING, and I happen to very much enjoy being one no matter what other people say.

Worthy is the Lamb
Thank you for the cross Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know
Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crown
You reign victorious
High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb


Holy is the Lord
We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He

And together we sing
Everyone sing

chorus:
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory
The earth is filled with His glory

repeat verse & chorus

It's rising up all around
It's the anthem of the Lord's renown
It's rising up all around
It's the anthem of the Lord's renown
It's rising up all around
It's the anthem of the Lord's renown

And together we sing,
everyone sing

chorus

Hey, all. Kind of bumming today. Stress from school is catching up with me, and I've had some stresses coming from outside of school to deal with this week as well. One year ago today actually my grandpa died, and I found out on Thursday that two friends from IVCF are leaving in the fall. My friend Jo is in I think the army reserves, and is going over seas in I think August. She'll be over there for a year. I took it hard because Jo's been there for me so much this year just helping me work through different things that have kept creeping up from my past. It was a rough time on Thursday at our meeting, but so good did come from the meeting, which was a good thing.

Another friend, Peter, enlisted I think over Christmas break. He graduated yesterday from boot camp. He's now a Marine. His training took place out in San Diego at Camp Pendelton and at MCRD (Marine Corps Recruiting Depot). I think he's going to be up here for a few days on leave, but then has to go to Missouri I think to finish up training at Ft. Briggs. I can never remember which one's in Missouri, but I think it's the same one my brother was at when he did his training. It's going to be nice to have Peter back in the fall, but at the same time really weird not having Jo here next year.

From what Jo had said during the meeting, it was a hard decision for her to make. Why it was hard was because if she stayed she'd be abandoning her soldiers, but if she left she'd be abandoning students here. She's higher up in rank, so when she does her one weekend a month stuff, it's I think longer/more difficult because she does officer's training. When I had talked to her after the meeting Thursday, she was hoping to get some leave in May so she could come back for graduation. It's definately going to be interesting next year without her, but I'm just glad I'll be done after next school year. My undergraduate stuff will at least be finished. I'll have my Bachelor of Science degree in psychology. Not sure yet what I'm going to do for my master's yet, but my advisor's willing to help me figure it out, so something will come. Oh well.

Anyway, got to get back to writing a paper that's not due for another two or three weeks. Gotta love teachers that give the final as writing a paper. That's what one of my english profs did. The final for the class is to write an 8-10 page paper about what we've learned over the course of the semester. I hate writing it, but I figure I may as well start now and get it done. Hope everyone else is doing awesome. Stay positive for the last few weeks of school. God Bless us everyone.

School sucks, but there's only like two or three weeks left in the semester. I'm starting to look at grad school programs, and talked to my advisor today just to get some insight about different fields. My options have been narrowed down to three: forensic psychology, family/couple therapy, and sports psychology. I sent in some information cards to different schools to get some more information about some different programs, so hopefully that will help me get a better idea on what I want to study in grad school.

What has been interesting is that I went out to lunch a couple weeks ago with my friend Cassandra and another friend. He was in my math class last semester, but more specifically, he was in the same section I was in. The way the math class was set up last semester, we had two days where we were in a big lecture hall, and then two days where we were split up into our sections and had grad students teaching the lab sections. We get along really well, and I've talked to him a lot this semester. He's been really interested in how I'm doing in my statistics class this semester, so we've been talking a lot. Mainly about statistics, but he's been interested in what I've wanted to do with my psychology degree. He's in the math program at Mankato, so he's able to really understand what I'm talking about when I'm going into stats mode.

Oh well. Other than that, the semester really kind of sucks. My behavior analysis class still kind of sucks, but that class always has. The guy that teaches the class is a jerk, and is a really tough grader. We get 17 points overall for the entire semester granted that we pass every test and lab write-up that we have to do. It got to the point where I had to talk to the head of the psyc department about him. I will admit, things have gotten better, but I also haven't turned in my lab write-ups for a while. In fact, I haven't even touched them for a couple weeks because I get so frustrated trying to write them. But I'm going to talk to the psyc tutor on Friday to have her help me try to figure out what I've been doing wrong in the write-ups. I'm just scared to turn them in because of how he'll grade me on them.

Talking to the head of the department was more because I felt like I was being discriminated against by the prof. I felt like he was being harder on me. Anyway, I just hope I don't have to go file a formal complaint against him. My advisor found out that I had talked to the department head, and he talked to me about it one day. He basically told me that if I decided to file a formal complaint, he'd be behind me all the way. So yeah for that. Anyway, enough rambling for tonight anyway. Hope everyone else is doing really good. God bless us everyone.

Greetings from the merry o land of Mankato. Anyway, not much going on except that my behavior analysis class is still being a pain in the butt, but my advisor is standing behind me. The class isn't really a problem, it's the professor more than anything. I talked to my advisor this morning, and had talked to the head of the psyc department here last week. Right now, I'm just going to wait and see how it goes for a couple weeks, and if I feel like things haven't gotten better, I'm going to be filing a formal complaint against him. I told my advisor that, and if I end up doing that, he'd stand behind me. But the head of the psyc department told me that I'm not the only one who's had problems with my behavior analysis prof. She's had other students come in to talk to her about the prof, and the head that was here before her had also gotten complaints about the guy. Oh well. That's my story for right now, but I hope you enjoy these quotes that I've gotten either from people or online. Enjoy, and God bless.

Don't put a question mark where God puts a period. – Anonymous

If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were. – Anonymous

Sometimes each day is a battle... so we try to make each day a victory ...one day at a time. – Anonymous

Make the most of each moment of happiness, keeping it alive in your memory and each moment of difficulty, savoring the experience and seeing that nothing is better or worse, just difficult. – Thais Bezerra

The hardest battle you’re ever going to fight is the battle to be just yourself. – Leo Buscaglia

Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved. –Victor Hugo

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger. – Nietzsche

An infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others. – A. W. Tozer

A true friend is one who is there for you when he'd rather be somewhere else. – Len Wein

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. – Oscar Wilde

When you reach the top, keep climbing. – Zen proverb

Greetings. I'm excited, but kind of nervous. A friend from high school (my ex actually) is coming down on Friday, and calling me tomorrow. I'm nervous because I haven't actually talked to him personally in like 6 or 7 years. He works at the Rainbow Foods my mom and I go grocery shopping at, so I see him whenever I'm home, and go with my mom. I am very nervous about that. I'm excited because we are actually talking again. It's weird I know, but that's where I am right now. He's making me blush quite a bit though.

I found him on myspace, and thought I would try and experiment. I added him as a friend, not thinking that he'd add me. He did, and we've been talking since the end of January. He's been making me blush at some of the messages he's sent me. They've been questionaires that I've posted and he's replied to them, but some of his answers are hilarious. He's also been constantly reminding me how sweet he can be. It's going to be interesting to see how it goes talking to him tomorrow, and to see how Friday goes.

Greetings to all my friends from Mankato. I was finally able to meet this guy that I'd seen like everywhere on campus. His name is Carl, and already he seems like a sweet guy. I found out almost imediately that he's a Christian. My #1 most important thing that I look for in a guy. And we like a lot of the same things, which is good. He comes from a big family, and lives out near Willmar. Plus I found out that we have similar personalities in terms of being very sarcastic. Anyway, big selling point with me was that his dad's a pastor. It was weird how well our personalities meshed. I guess I'll just have to be patient and see what happens. I'm not sure how he feels about me, and right now I don't want to push anything. He told me though that if I wanted to get together again to let him know. So I'm going to talk to him again to see when he wants to hang out again.

One of the workers at Chet's Place, Debbie, was hoping things would work out and that we'd meet. I'll have to let her know that we actually talked for like an hour and a half tonight. I think Debbie either works tomorrow or Monday night, so hopefully I'll be able to let her know how it went. I was so nervous before hand that my stomach was in knots. But it went better than I thought. Anyway, on the other hand, I found an old high school boyfriend, and started talking after 6 years. I don't want to explain anything online, but I think he still has feelings for me. We had dated for a little while when I was 16, he was 18. But I'm just not comfortable with him yet to see him face-to-face. Keep your fingers crossed. Anyway, I think I'm going to start getting ready for bed. Have a good night everyone, and God Bless us everyone.

Oh my gosh!! This weekend was so AWESOME!!! I was in Brainerd, MN over the weekend for BreakAway. It's a conference that InterVarsity Christian Fellowship sponsors every year the last weekend in January. This was my second year attending, and again I was amazed at how much God revealed to me in like three days. It was amazing. Both years have started off with me not liking the weekend a lot, but after the Saturday worship session, my perspective on the weekend changed. It still never ceases to amaze me how much God can teach a person in such a short time. Last year, He taught me that I'm never alone, and that trials only make you stronger. This year, I was taught to follow your heart, and that I need to place Him as the number one thing in my life. After what God's put in front of me over the last 15 months or so, His power, love, and amazing teaching abilities are still leaving me in awe some days. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing awesome. God Bless us everyone.

Happy 2006. Hopefully second semester for me will go better than first semester did. I have stats for psych, intro to behavior analysis, symphonic band, women's chorale, poetry writing, and form/technique prose. Hopefully they go good. The only class I'm really worried about is behavior analysis. Second semester is the complete opposite of my last semester schedule. I had all afternoon classes last semester, but this semester, I start at 8 am. It's going to take some time to get used to it, but it'll work. I'm just excited to be done with the Swedish class.

My dad's family had the annual Xmas get together over the weekend, which was cool. My cousin Crystal had a new baby who is almost 3 months old. He's so cute, and his name is Damon. The only downer was that I got one of my joyous migranes on the way home yesterday. They suck. But I guess I'm just going to have to deal with them since they're in my family. Hope everyone had a good New Year's and Christmas. God bless us everyone.

Hey. Hope everyone's Christmas went well. Mine is going OK so far. I've got three more 'Christmases' left this year. Two over New Year's weekend, and one the following weekend. But those are the least of my worries right now.

The church my mom and I are currently at, Hope Pres, I love. Don't get me wrong, but what scaring me is that I feel that it's time for me to move on. I just feel that I need to take a step back from Hope and visit some other churches to see if Hope is really where I belong. One of my other friends from Hope did that, and I think that's what I need to do. It's a hard decision, and one that I didn't really want to think about over the holidays. But I'm hoping our senior pastor will be able to give me some advice about what to do. I'm going to have to wait until after New Year's though to talk to him which is fine. It might actually give me some time to sort things out on my own a little more and see what I really want to do. Maybe it is time for me to just step back a little and take a breather from the people at Hope for a little while. Oh well. I'll just have to play it by ear and see what happens. Happy New Year's to everyone. God bless us everyone.

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Hey. Sorry I'm slow updating this. School's almost out for the semester, so I'm excited. We just had our last choir concert of the semester today. For some reason, when the pressure's on, the choir I'm in always sounds better. The concert was at St. John's Church in Mankato. It's kind of sad cuz when we had practice at the church on Thursday, we didn't sound that good. But amazingly, when it came time for the concert to start, we sounded awesome.

I now am auditioning for concert choir for next semester. I love watching Dr. Dickau conduct. Our conductor for Women's Chorale isn't all that good. I like her when it's just a small group of us or one-on-one, but she's not that good of a director yet. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how the audition goes tomorrow. The few people I talked to that are in Concert Choir said that the audition for Concert Choir isn't that hard. They were telling me that it was just warm-up stuff. I'm excited for the audition, but also a little nervous. I'm just hoping it goes well. Please be praying for finals that are coming up next week, and for our band concert on Tuesday. Hope everyone's doing well. God Bless us everyone.